Are we ever truly grown?

It's obvious that our bodies eventually stop growing, seemingly bringing an end to our adolescence.

I have reason to believe we continue to mature over time. Which I doubt anyone would argue with.

Just a few months ago, I was on a Twilight frenzy. I read the books twice in two weeks, watched the movie dozens of times, and blogged about it relentlessly. I read over some of my previous posts, and I've said things such as the books being my favorite books of all time, the movie being the best I've seen in a long time, etc.

What the hell was I thinking?

I like Twilight. Still. Don't get me wrong. The books were good. Good being the key word here. They are in no way my favorite books of all time. I don't even remember writing that they were, but I must have.

The movie was nothing more than mediocre. Looking back, I'm not impressed by it at all.

So six months ago, I thought a book written for teenagers was the best I'd ever read. (I'd deny it if there wasn't proof I thought this.) It just seems completely impossible.

Now, I don't care. I'd rather watch True Blood. (though I am not much of a fan of those books).

Could I have come that far in six months?

Furthermore, how will I be six months from now? Sitting in a rocking chair, spending my days knitting sweaters?

(Okay, maybe that was a bit much, but really...)

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You don't care. But I'm doing it anyways. Haha.

**I stole this from Want What You Have, who stole it from someone else, who stole it from someone else...and the story continues.

The phone rings. Who will it be?
Usually it's one of our parents.

When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
I'll be honest, it depends on how far away we park. But I do try.

In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
I'd say listener....depending on what we're talking about of course. Haha.

Do you take compliments well?
I say 'thank you', but it usually makes me feel uncomfortable to receive compliments.

Do you play Sudoku?
Yes. I love it.

If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
Sure, up until I starved to death or something ate me.

Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Nope.

What was your favorite game as a kid?
I didn't really have one. And if I did, I didn't enjoy it enough to remember it.

Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
I would try. But I have a feeling it would get in the way of things. Luckily, my boyfriend of seven years/the father of my kids is also an atheist. Hopefully I never have to worry about dating anyone else.

Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
I don't really know....I guess pursued. I've never been the one to pursue...I have no idea. Let's just leave it at that.

Use three words to describe yourself?
Opinionated, stubborn, bitchy. I'm not afraid to admit this. I know how I am.

Do any songs make you cry?
They probably would if I had the ability to cry. See the thing is, my cryer is evidently broken because I haven't been able to cry properly in quite some time. That's not to say I don't feel emotion, I do. The tears just don't come. But songs that make me sad are Free Bird (because it's been played at numerous funerals I have attended of people I cared about), and Concrete Angel. That country song. Don't ask me who sings it...haha.

Are you continuing your education?
Not by a professional instructor, no. But I learn something new everyday. Whether it be by reading online....reading books....learning life lessons from my children. We should never stop learning.

Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
No. I would rather use an actual camera, as I don't believe in spending that kind of money for a little strip of paper. Yeah yeah, I'm cheap I know.

How often do you read books?
Usually daily. Sometimes I take breaks that can last anywhere from a couple of days to two weeks or so. By the end of that time, I'm usually dying to read something.

Do you think more about the past, present or future?
Honestly, all three. I stress. Constantly. Therefore, the present and the future are constantly on my mind. As for the past, well let's just say I just can't seem to let some things go.

What is your favorite children’s book?
I honestly have no idea.

What color are your eyes?
Green.

Where is your dream house located?
I don't have a dream house. I try not to dream about things that are rather unrealistic. I focus on appreciating what I already have.

If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?
My kids...that's a given. After that....oh man. I have no idea. In the heat of the moment (no pun intended) I wouldn't know what to do...however, I can say the most important thing now...the photo album and my digital camera. So I can save pictures.

When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
I've only been there once. It was a few years ago, and if I'm being honest, I don't even remember why. All I remember is that it was a celebration of some sort...I'm horrible.

Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
Like six blocks. I don't get out much.

Do you like mustard?
I do, but I prefer honey mustard (depending on the brand).

Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Seeing as how I've been sleep deprived for the last three years, I'm going to go with sleep.

Do you look like your mom or dad?
Apparently both, because everyone tells me something different every time.

How long does it take you in the shower?
Not long. I have two kids. I'm lucky to get more than ten minutes.

Can you do the splits?
I guess it depends on what kind of splits you're talking about. I can split numbers...food...things of that nature. Can I do physical splits, um, no.

What movie do you want to see right now?
There are a few. I can't think of a particular one right now though.

What did you do for New Year’s?
The same thing I do every other night. Nothing but sit at home with my kids.

Do you think The Grudge was scary?
Um, no. I found it rather ridiculous actually.

Do you own a camera phone?
I do. It isn't turned on, because I don't need a cell phone.

What’s the last letter of your middle name?
é.

How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
It depends on how late I stay up reading. If I'm smart and go to sleep when my kids do, I'd get about 8 or 9 hours. But I'm to stubborn to do that. Instead I stay up online, or reading.....so I get like 6 or 7 if I'm lucky.

Do you like Care Bears?
How many adults do you know that are fans of Care Bears? Really? Well I'm not one of them.

What do you buy at the movies?
I don't go to the movies. Unless it's a movie I'm dying to see. Like...I will be going to see New Moon. What will I buy? The ticket.

Do you know how to play poker?
No.

Do you wear your seat belt?
Yes. You see...as an atheist...oh forget it. I know this is my only shot at life...I'd like to better my chances of surviving it as long as possible.

How many meals do you eat a day?
Two or three. Maybe a snack here and there.

Do you like funny or serious people better?
Both. I think everyone should have a sense of humor, but there are situations that require one to be serious.

Ever been to L.A.?
No.

Did you eat a cookie today?
No, I did not actually. I baked cookies two days in a row. If I see another cookie I might just hurl.

Do you hate chocolate?
Yes, if it's just plain solid chocolate. I do like some things that are chocolate. Like candy bars. But not cake or ice cream...or anything like that.

Are you a gullible person?
No, not at all. I rarely believe anything anyone tells me. If there's a way to prove it, I usually try to figure it out. Otherwise, I'm always skeptical.

Are you easy to get along with?
I think so. But many people would probably disagree. haha.


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Creative dryspell nearing an end?

Maybe.

I feel like drawing today...a little.
I also feel like reading, but evidentally not enough to pick up a book.
BLAH!

What is wrong with me? Garsh.

I sometimes wonder if I'm losing myself. I put all of my effort into what I do, as I should. I'm a mother, and a stay at home mother at that. I'm Mommy, 24/7. There is never a Me-Moment. I'm fine with that.

Usually.

But lately I feel like maybe I'm losing sight of who I am. The desire to do the things I love to do, the things that make me me, are slowly fading. I'm hoping today is a turning point. The fact that I actually feel like doing something for a change is a step forward I suppose.

Maybe this computer is my problem. Instead of leaving it alone to do something else, I spend what little free time I have on the internet. Doing nothing important.

I think tomorrow I'll leave it off. Completely. Not even turn it on. Then maybe I can focus on finishing one of the two drawings I have waiting for me. Or read one of the five books that are due back in less than two weeks.

Think I can do it? We'll see I guess.

THIS IS MY 100TH POST! Doesn't seem like it...

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I haven't posted around here in a little while, and there's a reason for that. I don't have anything "happy" to post about. I had another family member pass away this last week, when my Aunt passed less than a month before.
Anytime I sit and try to write, it's always negative, and to be honest, I don't want to flood my page w/ negative posts. So I haven't written anything.
I have taken a major break from writing my books, which isn't like me. I also have chose not to read, which really isn't like me. I just don't feel like it. All I do in my free time is draw, which I love to do, and I'm glad I have th drive for it, but it isn't like me to not want to read.
I'm hoping this little period I'm going through passes soon. I'm sure I will have to go w/o losing someone in my life before that will happen.

Got that out of the way...

Now that I've gotten the sad stuff out the way...
My son is almost crawling. It is very exciting. He's not even seven months old yet, and he's about to take off as I speak.
My daughter's talking more and more each day, which is to be expected of course, but it still amazes me when she says some things that I never imagined she could say.

Life would be perfect, if only people I loved stopped dying every few months.

Been a while....

I haven't written in a while, so I figure I need to. Well, not need, but want to.

I have had a very strange, and very sad couple of weeks.

Sad because my Aunt Evie passed away....I didn't see her much in the past couple of years, and as usual, I regret that. I remember old times with her, and I only wish I would've spent more time around her. She was a great person, who never failed to make you feel better no matter the situation, and she will be missed dearly by many.

Also sad, for the world, not so much me personally, is all of the celebrities dropping like flies. They're dying left and right. Michael Jackson??? Seriously...RIP.

Strange, because I haven't wanted to do anything I normally I love to do. I haven't wanted to read, or watch tv, or anything. I've written some, and I've drawn a little, but usually all I want to do is read, and it's been a struggle for me to even pick up a book. It's a little frustrating, because I have quite a few books that I need to read.....soon.

And so...RIP to all of those we have lost recently...

Poor Baby Girl. :(

My daughter has been running a fever for two days now. It fluctuates anywhere between 99 Degrees, and 102.8 degrees. I'm going to lose my mind. Every time I take her temperature, my stomach knots up as I watch the number keep rising. She has no other symptoms, and that makes it even more frustrating. There's nothing for the doctors to treat. I took her to the emergency room, they give her tylenol and send her home. I can't stand watching either of my kids sick. I just wish it was me. She doesn't act like it bothers her much, until she tries to go to sleep, and then I can tell she is uncomfortable. I just don't know what else to do for her.

Twilight Discussion Questions

Seriously, Saturday evening, and I have nothing better to do then blog about Twilight? I really have no life outside the house do I? Eh, well.

Would it appeal to you to live forever? Why or why not?

Overall, I would have to say no. There are some things about living forever that obviously hold some appeal. But I think the down side overshadows the upside.

There are very few reasons I would want to live forever. For one, the thought of dying is just scary. It's a part of life, and I understand that, but it's still scary. Another is, the thought of leaving your loved ones behind. It's never easy thinking about what would be if you suddenly weren't around.

The down side, there's a lot to that side. For one, watching your loved ones die. So many people would come into your life, just for you to watch them die.

Another would be dealing with life. Don't get me wrong, I love life, but to live for all eternity? Now that just seems a bit too much to handle.

If you were one of the only ones living forever, you would obviously have to move around a lot. People would notice that you weren't getting any older. You could never get attached to anyone, unless of course, they were like you.

So all in all, I would not like to live forever. I don't want to die anytime soon, but it is part of life. There is no dodging it.

It's easy to SAY it, but is it true?

There are millions of women, and probably men as well, out there who want kids more than anything in the world, and they can't have them. Whether it be because of a health problem, not successful in getting pregnant, significant other doesn't want kids but they love them to much to walk away, etc.For this reason, it makes me sick when "parents" take advantage of what they have.


I see it everywhere. All over blogs, myspace, etc. "I love My kids", "My kids are my world", and so on.

They say these things, but are they really true. You say you'd die for your kids, but would you really?

These same people are the ones complaining about not being able to go out drinking when their children are still infants. Claiming to be in dire need of a break, before their baby can hold their own head up. Leaving them with a babysitter or the grandparents every weekend, because they would rather be club hopping. It disgusts me.

I don't know where people get the idea that as long as your kids are fed, and have a roof over their head, you're doing your job as a parent. Being a good parent takes a lot more then just supporting your kids financially. If you aren't loving your kids the way you should, you are lacking as a parent. It's simple.

So maybe you got pregnant by accident, either way, the child is still yours. Your flesh and blood. The moment you find out your pregnant, it should be your life. When you have a child, you're saying goodbye, or at least you should be, to the party scene.

If anyone takes offense to this, then I'm talking to you. And I only have two more words for you.

Grow Up.

The lonely Tomato.

I think my "gardening" idea, is going to be more of a tomato plant than a garden. Tomatoes seem to be the easiest plant to grow, and lets face, I don't have a lot of free time. (at least not free time that I can use outside tending to a garden).

It's slightly upsetting to read how much really goes along with planting a garden. It's a lot of work, and I'd have to get started pronto, in order to grow lettuce like I wanted to.

This is sad considering I only wanted to grow four simple veggies. Tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce, and possibly potatoes. That's it. Surely I can figure out a way to work it out. Right? I'm afraid to commit to it.

I'm torn. I really would like to grow my own veggies. It would save us a lot of money. Other then myself, my family doesn't consume much tomatoes, cucumbers, or lettuce. However, we eat potatoes gallore. It would make life much simpler if I could just pick them out of my own garden.

I love a good salad. Any day of the week. However I don't buy much because I'm the only one that will eat it. The boyfriend and my daughter will pretty much only eat potatoes and corn. If I had my own garden to pick these things from, I wouldn't feel guilty about buying things that only I would eat.

Then there's Stitch. Our iguana. We've found that he'll only eat lettuce. So that would be another thing we wouldn' t have to worry about.

All of this is assuming I could even be successful in gardening. I'm not even sure if my backyard is really suitable. I guess I'll have to do more research. I really want to make this happen!

Ranting and Raving-Fair warning.

I try my best to enjoy every day of my life. But I guess today I'm just in one of those moods, that make it difficult to maintain a cheery mood.

There are a lot of things going through my head today, a lot of them are meaningless, even to me, but they stay there all the same.

I just realized how much I hate the phrase "Bun in the Oven"....I think it sounds very disrespectful to the baby, even if the baby has no idea what's going on. It just sounds, nasty.

I knew this girl, back in about fifth grade. We were really good friends, and to this day, our families are slightly invested in each other. However, I have personally, not been friends with her for a very long time. She's now pregnant. I'm honestly not sure if she even knows who the dad is, nor do I care. It's her life, I just hope the baby is well taken care of.

Although her situation is really none of my business, it does pose some questions in my mind. I will probably never understand "casual sex", and I'm totally okay with not understanding it. It's just not something I personally would ever do. But for those who do it....there are so so so many things you can do to prevent pregnancy, and if you're having "casual sex", it only makes sense to do everything in your power to keep from getting pregnant. Yet, most of them don't. The guys, nor the girls. And baby's are consistently brought into this world to parents who barely, if at all, know each other. It simply disgusts me, for the kids' sake.

Someone I've known for a very long time passed away a few days ago, and I just simply don' t understand it. Something seems very, off, about the whole situation. I feel like someone is hiding something, but I have no clue who, what, or why. But something doesn't feel right.The police have apparently ruled it a suicide, yet the family/witness, have told about five different stories. Their stories have all led back to it being an accidentally, in one way or another. Nothing makes sense to me.


I think coping with death, may be a little easier for me if I had faith in the fact that I would see them again someday. However, I can't force myself to have faith in something I simply don't believe exists.The feeling of hopelessness after someone dies is one of the reasons I believe man created religion in the first place. It makes me understand why I believe religion was created, but it doesn't help me believe in any religion. It's times like these that I wish I could bring myself to believe in something, anything.

I'm happy without religion in my life. I try to live every single day to the best of my ability, and I try not to take anything for granted. It's not like I'm a devil worshiper. I don't believe there's a devil either. Death just doesn't seem like something that should force me to become religious. It just wouldn't be right.

I think I'm done for now.....

Appreciating what you have.

I'm not sure if this video depressed me, or uplifted me more. It's definitely an eye opener. You really don't realize how good you have it until it's broken down this way. It just goes to show.....things could be much worse.

A nice visit.

My mom came to visit today. She only lives about two hours away, yet I rarely get to see her. The last time I saw her was back in October, and although I talk to her everyday, it just isn't the same.

I won't lie, it made my day. It's nice to have a visitor every once in a while, and mine are few and far between.

Goals. Short term.

Lets face it, there are some things that I am in dire need of accomplishing. Some other things I just WANT to accomplish.
These are some goals I hope to accomplish within the next 6 months at most.

• Get my daughter potty trained.
• Improve driving skills, get license. GUH!
• Get this house organized.
• Learn how to start a garden, and hopefully start one.
• Read the Twilight series. At least the ones that are out....
• Start some sort of exercise program. At least SOMETHING.
• Cut back on the soda. That needs to happen, now.
• Attempt to learn to play an instrument. Either guitar, or piano/keyboard.
  

The main one that I thought about needing to accomplish, slipped my mind as I was writing this post.
Oh well, I can always add to list.

♥Amanda